Best Things To Do In Waco, Texas

Last weekend, two of my best friends and I got to explore Waco and it was an absolute dream. Waco has grown and become even cooler over the years and it is such a fun spot for a girls trip! We stayed at the cutest airbnb located right in the middle of town (just 291 steps from the Magnolia Silos) and walking distance to restaurants and bars. It had the prettiest backyard, fun country-chic decor and a top tier ambiance.

We were so excited to explore the city, and I am even MORE excited to share a lengthy list of what I feel are the absolute must do’s in Waco — this is from years of trips to Waco, too, not just from weekend, so I promise to not lead you astray. I consider myself a Waco connoisseur, if you will, but I’ll let you be the judge.

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Guess Family Barbecue: Featured in Texas Monthly as one of the Top 25 New Barbecue Joints in Texas, Guess Family Barbecue serves some amazing brisket sandwiches, pork ribs, and the yummiest loaded baked potatoes. This is one of my favorite spots in Waco to grab a quick lunch, it truly never misses.

Boiler Room: Located inside the Findery, The Boiler Room is a beer and wine lounge serving up cold craft beers and select wines by the glass or bottle. Shop around 10,000 square feet of shopping at The Findery and grab yourself a glass of prosecco before or after!

Dr Pepper Museum: Did you know that Dr Pepper was created, manufactured and sold beginning in 1885 in Waco?! And there’s no period after the “r” of Dr Pepper! The museum is so fun to explore and learn lots of interesting information on the history of this iconic soda. We did the “Make Your Own Soda” experience where we got to concoct and name our own personalized drink and had SO much fun. Be sure to snag a Dr Pepper float!

Heritage Creamery: Located near Baylor campus, this cutie ice cream spot is so adorable and has some amazing ice cream, shakes, ice cream sandwiches, etc. The staff is incredibly kind and welcoming, and you really can’t go wrong with anything on the menu. 10/10 recommend for the hot Texas Summer weather ahead.

Oh My Juice: This spot has three locations throughout Waco and serves up yummy salads, smoothies, acaí bowls, fresh cold-pressed juices, etc. Their spaces are cute and the acaí bowls are truly so dang good, I loaded mine up with toppings and was happppy.

Pignetti’s: This classic Italian spot is amazing for all things pasta, but also has some yummy arancini, salads, bread, and steaks. The space is cozy and they have a decently sized patio to enjoy a dirty martini. I will likely dream of their Shrimp Fettuccini Alfredo for years to come - so good!

Dichotomy: Heavenly cocktails, delicious coffee, and a rooftop deck that serves all of the best Waco views. The space is vintage-chic vibes and covered in local art which makes it such a fun space to enjoy your morning coffee, an afternoon pick-me-up, or a nightcap.

Maria Mezcaleria: Located inside the Waco Hippodrome, this mezcal-themed spot has the cutest decor and really delicious Modern Mexican inspired bites. They also offer a daily brunch! I loved the chicken tinga tostaditas and the chips and guac.

Fabled Bookshop & Cafe: This café and bookstore is adorable and has a great book selection and yummy coffee. Take it easy in this cozy and welcoming space, it’s honestly the perfect spot to chill and read for a bit with a coffee.

Milo All Day: I have been to this stunning restaurant more times than I can count and have not once had a bad experience - the food is killer and the space is gorg! I love their hot chicken tacos, the burger, and their truffle fries. If you go for brunch, get the Georgia Benedict with pimento cheese!

Common Grounds: A Waco icon. CG has opened up so many locations in Waco and its surrounding areas (and even opened one in Fort Worth!) and has been somewhere I have visited for coffee since I was a freshman in college …. a long time ago. They have a vibey outdoor area that is home to a lot of good live music and concerts, and some of the best coffee drinks you’ll ever have. Cowboy Coffee 4ever.

Mural hunt around town: Waco is home to so many gorgeous murals - my faves are the Starry Night mural and the Lookin’ Good Wacotown mural. Such a fun way to explore the city and get some cute pictures to boot!

Go horseback riding at Brazos Bluffs Ranch: Located only 10 minutes from downtown, this was my favorite thing we did and I will be waiting patiently for when I can find time to go horseback riding again. This ranch was wonderful, the trails were beautiful and the staff were so so sweet and knowledgeable. We did “The Rancher” horseback experience and the ride really was suitable for all riding abilities. Cannot recommend them enough!

Explore Magnolia Market: If you’ve heard of Waco, you’ve definitely heard of Magnolia. The shops at the Silos have something for everybody, with six boutique shops on property containing a variety of items like books, jewelry, bath + body, clothes, etc. They have an assortment of food trucks on property - we got sweet tea from the Alabama Sweet Tea Company and a grilled cheese from Cheddar Box. Also, the cupcakes at Silo Baking Co. are elite. Magnolia Table + Magnolia Press are also amazing spots by Chip and Joanna Gaines if you’d like to stop in for brunch or coffee without getting in the mix of the silos!

Stroll the Riverwalk: Explore the pedestrian only path along the Brazos River, admire the Suspension Bridge and the activity on the water. Waco really is a gorgeous central Texas gem.

Pivovar: This Czech brewery and restaurant has the coolest Texas flair and serves some incredible German-style dishes, beer flights, and their homemade desserts are not to be missed either. I’ve been in a couple times now and loved their Braised Short Rib Goulash for dinner and their Reuben sandwich at lunch!

One Day: Serving up coffee, beer, wine and some of the best cocktails I’ve ever had, One Day is a must visit anytime I’m in Waco. Literally I have been probably 20 times. Their space is gorgeous and the staff are always so kind and knowledgeable. I love their crown jewel, the pink flamingo, and have always loved every dirty martini I’ve ever had here.

Sloan’s: I would give anything to pick this bar up and drive it down to Austin. Their drinks are top tier and the vibes are immaculate. They have open seating and table service and are truly just the most perfect spot probably ever. Love it SO much.

Diamondbacks: This Texas-style chophouse offers a variety of menu items including steaks, seafood, pasta and sushi in an elegant dining room. I have loved every sushi roll I have tried here and dream of their five-cheese mac and cheese and their mashed potatoes.

Yaki: I love a drive-in, but I love a Texas-style teriyaki drive-in even more. They serve a complete meal-in-a-box with rice, protein of choice, and slaw. Get the smoked salmon box and a side of their spicy mayo and thank me later. It’s all gluten and dairy-free and delish!

Pinewood Coffee: Best coffee in Waco, without a doubt. That’s all.

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Waco truly doesn’t get enough credit - it has so many amazing gems. My love for exploring Waco has only grown over the years and I am so excited for the ways the city continues to boom with amazing restaurants, bars and shops. If you haven’t been already, I definitely recommend a weekend (or weekday!) getaway to check out all the city has to offer.

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This post is sponsored by the City of Waco, but the opinions expressed here are my own.

Things To Do & See In Lake Charles, Louisiana

You ever visit somewhere that just absolutely surprises you in every way? Like truly every way? Located just a mere four and a half hours from Austin, Lake Charles, Louisiana was that for me. I went into the weekend ready to have fun with my bestie in Louisiana’s Playground, but truly didn’t expect to be absolutely blown away by the kindness of everyone, the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen, and the amazing seafood.

We stayed at the iconic L'Auberge Casino Resort, which is located right on the water and boasts nine eateries/bars, a casino with 73 table games and 1,600 slot machines, and an incredible lazy river. They’e got everything from a buffet to steaks and seafood to authentic Cajun and Creole specialties. We got nachos and burgers from Barstool Sportsbook, seafood gumbo and shrimp pasta from Drago’s Seafood and sipped wine by the fire at Ember Grille and Wine Bar.

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The Bekery: This spot is truly something else — it’s giving French café of my dreams and I love it. They have amazing iced oat milk lattes (and iced americanos, too) and is absolutely pivotal that you order the breakfast crossant sandwich with bacon. It was packed almost every time we went, but was worth the wait every single time. Gorgeous decor, incredibly kind staff and a cinnamon roll the size of your head.

Crying Eagle Brewing: I fully believe that this is the brewery of my dreams! The patio is huge, with a large stage for entertainment and live music and the inside has ample seating. They have an incredible food menu featuring pizzas (we got the ‘What the Fig?!’ and loved it), fried shrimp platters, loaded fries and pretzels. A brewery that also serves cocktails and wine is my kind of brewery, plus they have happy hour Tuesday-Friday from 2pm-6pm and all day on Sunday’s. We love a happy hour drink special!

Darrell’s Po’ Boys: Darrell’s was the most recommended spot in Lake Charles by a landslide. It was made very clear to me early on that I would be making a huge mistake if I didn’t make time for one of these po’ boys. To say that Darrell’s lived up to the hype would be an understatement. The Darrell’s Special with ham, turkey, and roast beef served with roast beef gravy (and a side of 20 napkins) was my favorite, but the spicy cajun shrimp was also phenomenal.

Famous Foods: This iconic spot should 100% be your go-to for homestyle BBQ in Lake Charles — they serve sandwiches, cracklings (pork rinds) and boudin. We got the brisket sandwich and loved how friendly and efficient the staff was.

Historic City Hall Arts and Cultural Center: This public art and history gallery showcases some truly amazing exhibitions from around the world and gives spotlight to dozens of regional and local artists. Admission is free to the public and trust me, you won’t regret taking some time out of your day to walk these three floors of gallery space.

The James 710: Get the huevos rancheros! Get the huevos rancheros! I fell in loooove with this spot when we went in for Saturday brunch. It is so cute, the cocktails were amazing, and the food was just next level. The french toast was decadent and if you haven’t already heard, the huevos rancheros were simply to die for. There’s also something to be said for an all around bad ass staff and these guys just hit the nail on the head.

Lulu’s Specialty Snocones & More: If you don’t get a snocone from Lulu’s when in Lake Charles, what are you even doing? Order the “Do It For the Gram” snocone and thank me later - it comes with cake AND cotton candy on top. The owner, Ashley, is one of the kindest humans, too, which makes it that much easier to want to support these amazing folks!

Kayak on Lake Charles with Lake Area Adventures: Not to be dramatic, but trying to put into words just how much we loved this experience with Sarge seems impossible. Everything about Sarge just radiates joy - he immediately makes you feel safe and comfortable and is truly a one-of-a-kind person; We were just thrilled to get to adventure during sunset with him. We took off from Prien Lake Park and our jaws immediately fell to the bottom of our kayaks when we saw the stunning sunset. Lake Charles sunsets are truly something else. Contact them here to plan an adventure of your own!

Panorama Music House: Bri and I let out a little squeal with we entered this gorgeous building in Downtown Lake Charles because there are just so many picturesque spots around the entire space! Their colorful patio is not only cute, but is the perfect spot to enjoy a happy hour drink. They have live music, craft beers, cocktails, and food — I just know I need to go back to try the poutine. Their happy hour is half off ALL booze from 4pm-6pm Wednesday-Sunday (!!!!!!!) Panorama Music Exchange is connected to Panorama Music House and is filled with vinyl records, posters, instruments and plenty of other rad vintage items.

Coffee 30: I will regret not getting beignets from here probably for the rest of my life, but I am delighted that I got to try the coffee. I got the pumpkin pie latte with oat milk and it was HEAVEN. Loved this spot for a quick afternoon pick-me-up.

Luna Bar and Grill: If I could pick this restaurant up and move it to Austin, I would. This downtown Lake Charles cutie gives off massive Shelby Sorrel energy and I absolutely adored it. We’re talking jazz brunch. We’re talking Eggs Calcasieu (two eggs, fresh boudin, brioche toast, fried shrimp, topped with hollandaise, I KNOW). We’re talking Voodoo Hash with Louisiana crawfish. I just loved everything about this spot.

Area 337: A must visit in Lake Charles for Latin American cuisine. Family-owned and serving up plantains, arepas, and other yummy plates, this restaurant is as authentic as it gets.

Explore Downtown Lake Charles: Lake Charles has a seriously cute downtown. It has so many adorable shops and restaurants. Grab a bite at Pujo St. Cafe and shop at Olive & Indigo for the cutest curated goods and Bayou Blend for the softest clothes you’ll ever wear. Bayou Blend was created by Kaysie Bolton after her son’s Autism diagnosis and struggle with clothing, so all streetwear adheres to sensory needs and advocates for Autism Awareness and I just love it so much. Note: The Charlestown Farmers Market is the first Saturday of every month located on Bilbo Street behind the Historic City Hall. 10/10 recommend.

Insane Sausages: Located about 30 minutes from Lake Charles in Vinton, Louisiana, this spot was hoppin’ when we arrived which meant we were doing the right thing by making a pit-stop. We ordered the Pepperjack Hangover and the Cajun Hangover and had absolutely zero regrets. This is a must add stop for a road trip snack if you happen to be driving through Vinton.

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I will absolutely be back to this exceptionally charming city to explore more hidden gems in the future. Love you, mean it, Lake Charles.

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This post is sponsored by Visit Lake Charles, but the opinions expressed here are my own.

Staycation's All I Ever Wanted (And German Wine)

Hi friends! I hope this *blog post* finds you well. Ha, kidding, of course — is anyone else very over this email greeting or is it just me? Sometimes I wake up and truly feel like I am living in an alternate universe, or I receive an email that reminds me just how odd 2020 has been, and I know I’m not alone in feeling very frustrated by that. I have been actively working on doing my best to find joy in the little things, and to treat myself when my soul and body are in need of some self-care. Wines of Germany has been pivotal in bringing me joy lately, and I think they’ll bring you joy, too!

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German wines are regarded as some of the most food-friendly wines in the world — who knew?

Because Germany is one of the most northerly viticulture areas of the world, they number among the “cool climate” wine growing countries. Their wines usually have a higher acidity (due to the cooler temps!) which makes them light, refreshing, and mouth-watering for food pairing. I brought two bottles of German wine on a little staycation with Chels — a bottle of 2016 Peter Jakob Kühn Riesling Sekt and a bottle of 2019 Weingut Ökonomierat Rebholz Spätburgunder Rosé.

Germany’s wine grapes are especially suited for production of sparkling wine, or “Sekt” in German, so when I tell you this Sparkling Riesling was NEXT LEVEL good, I am not kidding. The Rosé made from Pinot Noir grapes (called “Spätburgunder” in Germany) was also perfectly subtle and fruity with a touch of minerality that Chels and I both loved. Both of these wines are on the drier side, so we paired them with some yummy Mexican food from one of my Austin faves, Joann’s Fine Foods, in our pretty room!

I love this iconic Austin spot so much, and as a local Austinite have developed such an attachment to this cute motel. The hotel came to be in May of 1888, when Leonard and Frances Eck, immigrants from Germany, bought the land that now comprises the Austin Motel. The property was initially a general merchandise store that had a pawn shop, sold jewelry, produce, and home goods. Upon Mr. Eck's passing in1925, his daughter, Jennie Eck Stewart inherited the property and built the Austin Motel which opened its doors in 1938 and has never closed them since.

Germany’s total vineyard area is divided into 13 distinct wine regions, concentrated in the southern and southwest part of the country. About 64% of wine production in Germany is dry (or “Trocken”). Though Germany grows hundreds of wine grape varieties, the most widely available wines are made from Riesling, Pinot Noir (Spätburgunder), Pinot Gris (Grauburgunder), Pinot Blanc (Weissburgunder), Müller-Thurgau, and Silvaner.

It’s been so fun to learn more and more about the wines that I enjoy drinking — there’s something so fun about knowing all about the wines you are purchasing and consuming (I almost think it makes them taste better!) German wines are food-friendly and truly so perfect for every day, year-round drinking, and feel so approachable for everyone.

For more information on German wines, check out the German Wine USA website for tons of information on Germany’s 13 wine regions, food pairing ideas, and all of the fun facts.

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As a little holiday treat, all German wines are 10% off on Wine.com when you buy six or more through December 31st with the code GERMANY10. Snag you and your loved ones some wine this season, and make sure it’s German — you won’t regret it.

This post is sponsored by Wines of Germany. All opinions expressed in this post are my own and not those of Wines of Germany.

iNTERSEX AND QUARANTiNE

Written By: Alicia Roth Weigel

Hello and I hope this blog post finds you and yours healthy in these trying times.

Who else is ready to not have to start emails that way anymore? Let’s be real, this quarantine sucks. And what sucks even more is it seems like if society collectively had a bit more empathy—to understand how, even if we’re okay and not experiencing health inequity and will ultimately be fine, our actions (or inaction: let’s all vote, y’all) still affect one another—we’d be out of our cages a whole lot sooner.

As an intersex person, it’s not the first time I’ve felt like this. If you’re not sure what that word means, I don’t blame you as we exist largely hidden from society and often even from our own friends and family. According to Planned Parenthood, intersex is “a general term for a variety of conditions where a person is born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit typical definitions of “female” or “male,” comprising an estimated 1.7 percent of the population.” According to me, we’re born with traits that mean our bodies are in between what most consider to be a binary, literally “inter-” “-sex”.

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There’s a lot you can read to familiarize yourself with what probably seems like a foreign concept, but I’m more interested in focusing on some phenomena you likely will understand. We’re all trying to stay positive on the rollercoaster that is this global pandemic, but I’ve realized a few of the more frustrating aspects of quarantine are familiar feelings intersex folks experience day in and day out.

The first, and often most frustrating, of which is feeling trapped in a space that is supposed to be our home. Maybe some of us have felt on the verge of murdering that person we love the most because we’re not used to spending every. single. waking. hour. of the day with them. I know I sometimes want to throw my adorable little puppy out the window (not actually) when she refuses to stay quiet as I take an important call in my one-bedroom, which before the pandemic seemed big enough for the two of us. 

Beyond these “quarantine feels”, for many intersex people, feelings of resentment are usually directed at our parents or doctors—who’ve often made life-altering decisions to pump us with hormones or rearrange and remove our body parts without our consent. This atrocity is referred to as “intersex genital mutilation”, and often assigns a gender to a young child regardless of how they identify, involving irreversible surgeries that necessitate that they transition later in life. Many trans folks understand not feeling at home in the body they were born with; imagine that same feeling in a body that was created by doctors, and altered based on your parents’ wishes and not your own?

The second, is loneliness. Wikipedia describes it as “an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation”. Growing up intersex, you’re usually labeled with some medicalized term (I got “Complete Androgyn Insensitivity”) rather than being told you’re part of a global population of roughly 150 million individuals like you, and you’re told that sharing your intersex status with others will lead to being ostracized. 

That means that as we experience marginalization—whether it be unconsented surgeries on our bodies, or the daily microaggressions of having to fill out forms or choose bathrooms that don’t include us; we go through it alone. This is a bit different than the experience of, for example, BIPOC folks, who often form part of a community of shared identity; and as many of us intersex folks “pass” as cisgender, we don’t always wear our target of persecution visibly—which can be a saving grace, but also means it’s even harder for us to find one another.

Per Wikipedia, “loneliness is also described as social pain—a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections,” which is why we seek to be accepted into the broader LGBTQIA+ community. While there are many unique aspects to being intersex, there is so much we share… We all have experienced shame and stigma. We’ve all faced uncertainty as to the best way to care for our health and wellbeing due to the lack of adequate medical care and resources. We’ve all faced questions as to who we are, in a society that often tries to legislate our rights, and sometimes our whole beings, out of existence. 

But it’s often a struggle to get our fellow members of the alphabet soup to even include our letter in the acronym, let alone include us in their advocacy in a more meaningful way. We’re often told to wait our turn, though intersex advocates have been yelling for decades—or labeled “problematic” for our tactics of trying to be visible, even just within the queer community, despite the fact that our trans-cestors literally threw (very warranted) bricks.

When we are included, it’s usually in a way that contributes to the tokenization of our community. You know, those token acts to get recognition that don’t actually make us feel better or solve the problem—kinda like your friends who post “wear a mask” on their feed, but then you see them inside at bars every night in their story? 

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The intersex community is usually only recognized once a year, on October 26th or “Intersex Awareness Day.” I sit here writing this on Indigenous People’s Day and I’ve seen so many posts about erasure of identities, and reducing a community to a 24-hour period each year, and a lot of the feelings are relatable. Just like re-posting one Native person’s thoughts to a platform that disappears in 24 hours isn’t enough, neither is reading one intersex person’s blog post. There are so many of us that you can follow, all year long, to learn more about the struggles we face… And not just white, cis-passing intersex folks like me—black, trans femmes like @queen_johnny_; latinx, non-binary queens like @rivergallo; and downright legends like @pidgeon.

I hope this pandemic has been an eye-opening experience for folks, as it has for me. I hope it’s been a needed reminder of how interconnected all of our struggles are, and how we can each do better by one another in ways that are pretty low-bar, all things considered (washing your hands really isn’t that hard…) And I hope that perhaps reading this might be the same—that y’all won’t close out of this blog this then wipe your hands clean [pun intended] of the fight for the intersex community, but rather commit to educating yourself more fully on threats to fellow members of your global community’s health and wellbeing, and adjusting your own actions accordingly. We all deserve the same rights and autonomy over our bodies and decisions, and yet some of us are still struggling to access some of those most concepts. 

So the next time you hear about immigrants being force-sterilized in camps at our border and post about abolishing ice, maybe throw in some acknowledgement that intersex kids are force-sterilized across our country everyday in our neighborhood hospitals. Or the next time you fight for trans kids to access gender confirmation surgeries, take a second to remind folks that intersex folks have similar procedures forced upon us without our consent. And please: vote, and wear a mask while you do it. The sooner we all realize our simple actions can make momentous change, the faster we’ll all be free—from oppression, and from our own damn couches.

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Alicia Roth Weigel
@xoxy_alicia
www.xoxyalicia.com

Winner, Winner, Spicy Chicken Strip Dinner

GUESS WHO’S BACK, BACK AGAIN…JACK’S SPICY CHICKEN STRIPS ARE BACK, TELL A FRIEND.

Winner, winner, spicy chicken strip dinner, Jack in the Box has officially brought their spicy chicken strips BACK to the menu, y’all (and seriously, go tell a friend or five because this is huge, huge news!) 🍗 The people have been asking and asking and Jack in the Box listened, and delivered, of course! Now, not only can you get the best curly fries at your nearest Jack in the Box location, but you can also get Jack’s spicy chicken strips at the drop of a hat. HECK YES. 🙌🏻

As you may know, my best friend Chelsea and I love fries more than anything. We also always want chicken strips with our fries. Unfortunately, Chels has been going into the office for work, as she is an essential worker, so we have been coming up with lots of creative and unique ways to spend time together during this wild time. I live up in North Central Austin and she lives Downtown, so we have been going on lots of walks around the lake and having LOTS of picnics at Auditorium Shores. There’s nothing like best friend time, good food, and an even better view of our favorite city. ✨

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Last Thursday we had plans for our weekly socially distant hang out, which was a picnic downtown as the sun was setting (it’s so hot in Austin that this is necessary), so once I found out Jack in the Box spicy chicken strips were back on the menu, I suggested grabbing some (and of course all of the regular and curly fries) for us. The 3-piece Jack in the Box spicy chicken strips combo is $5.99 and comes with a small fry and a small drink (forever recommending Dr. Pepper as your beverage choice). I got Chels the regular fries and I got curly fries, because obviously. I also snagged the 5-piece combo for myself because I wanted allll of the chicken strips. 🤷🏼‍♀️ No shame here! The spicy chicken strips were even better than I remembered, with the perfect crispy batter and the juiciest chicken! I got one too many (is that even a thing?) sides of ranch to dip the chicken strips into and they complemented each other so so well. 😋 We got to catch up over some delicious spicy chicken strips and all of the french fries, all while enjoying the best view in Austin and staying over six feet apart.

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To say I am beyond excited to have some spicy chicken strips near me is an understatement. Check out which location is nearest to you to grab some of their WILDLY delicious spicy chicken strips (get the combo, just trust me, and be sure to grab that ranch!) and subscribe to stay up to date on tons of fun offers! Visit their website at www.jackinthebox.com to see their newest menu items, gather more information about their special deals, and definitely don’t forget to download the mobile app. 🙌🏻

This post is sponsored by Jack in the Box. All opinions expressed in the post are my own and not those of Jack in the Box.

No Reservations: A 30-Year-Old’s Reflection on Depression

Content Warning: Suicide and Depression
By: Bridger Sperry

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Oh God. Where do I start with discussing something that will be forever ongoing? What a hopeless feeling for me personally that this thing will never be finished until I am in the ground.

A confession: I don’t like advice books or generally motivational shit because A) I’m not a baby boomer trying to get coached through a midlife crisis by a younger generation who sees the world through a different lens and B) am not a Gen Xer wanting to get rich off of telling others to believe in themselves again, and again, and again. Yet, here I am trying to scribble down something that I would hope is at most, helpful, and at least, entertaining to read.

I was never particularly good at anything that set me above my peers. So, in most of my organized activities growing up my parents enthusiastically encouraged me with a rainstorm of “way to help the team!” type compliments and reassurances. Let this read be my “way to help the team” in discovering how to talk again with no reservations about depression.

June 8th, 2018 is the day my hero died. Heroes always die in battle. Fighting for freedom, or love, or for a belief. All storybook heroes regard their subject matter greater than losing the most precious possession we collectively have as humanity: life.

No, not my hero. He strung himself up and let his body weight suffocate his life. Suicide.

Anthony Bourdain. It feels foreign to claim him as my hero. I know he’s other people’s hero. I know I’m not the only one who has felt the weight of his suicide. I’m sure others feel more weight than myself. The fact is that our hero committed suicide, and that really, really, sucks.

I’m positive that most who knew, loved, and respected Bourdain came to know him the same way I did. His show No Reservations aired on the Travel Channel. I was initially watching because every summer they’d air a “rollercoaster week” (big coaster guy over here). Eventually, No Reservations started airing more than anything with rollercoasters (ugh), but I started tuning in. After a few shows I saw this guy diving into cultures and asking uncomfortable questions and writing facts of how things were in a given culture. His opinions and feelings were never swept under the proverbial rug that society constructed for how a “man” is supposed to confront emotion. God — it was raw in some cases and depressing in areas, and those were the episodes I craved.

Speaking candidly, it never took me much to spot a stranger with depression. The more difficult confrontation is the spotting of depression in yourself. Much like the AA’s first step, admitting you have ______. I was drawn to Bourdain because I saw him wear his depression on camera. “No Reservations” didn’t mean “can’t find any place to stay”. It was an invitation into a space of real talk, real emotions, real feelings.

Having no reservations helped me reclaim my life.

On a night in 2014 I invited my friend over to do what we both loved. This episode, Tony was in Montana, a state that to me still has a sliver of frontier left in it. But, that sliver is full of intentionality and perspective. Perspective to see that there is something bigger than yourself out there in the world, and intentionality where the collective community shares the same feeling but no words are ever spoken, it’s just understood.

That feeling hit me in a way that I couldn’t shake. Cold numbness ran through the central nervous system. A belief came into my mind telling me I had never experienced relationship where someone just understood me. How could they? My parents had unknowingly raised me to believe that I was always imperfect. Turns out those “talks” about where I fell as an eight year old on the body mass index held (and continue to hold) my mind hostage. Too afraid to share. Too broken to have anyone just understand me. I looked over to my friend as the words fell out of my mouth.

“I don’t want to be alive anymore.”

That was my first night of no reservations with my depression.

My story of depression has taken me to the place of suicidal ideation, a term I learned about in therapy. Suicidal ideation, in my experience, has ranged from looking at everyday items such as plastic grocery bags, belts, and bridges as ways I could kill myself, to the scarier place of imagining that gathering of family or friends, without me, would go on just fine. What would it matter if I wasn’t at that gathering, or any gathering from there on out? The devil of imagining situations in a depressive state is that the mind can make your imagination into a damn convincing reality. I wish I could be with Bourdain’s thoughts in his final hours. I wish I could have had the perspective and intentionality to be with him and be “just understood” together.

No reservations for me looked like coming to my parents and telling them I was having suicidal thoughts. It looked like seeking out therapy and being prescribed anti-depressants (I’m still on them now). Admittedly, the hardest part of depression to confront, though, is exposing the desire to suppress depression in social and friend groups. I was too scared to lose my life, so I told every one of my friends in hopes they’d be able to help save it if I was too compromised.

The unfortunate reality is people who are not depressed have no way of knowing or intervening on behalf of a friend, child, parent, or hero, until it’s too late. Part of me harping on this idea of having no reservations with depression is that it’s a two way street. We must ask one another how you are doing, and go one layer deeper than, “I’m fine”.

I mentioned in the first paragraph that depression would follow me to my grave. Depressing, eh?

I didn’t put myself in my grave when I was diagnosed with depression. I slide between different ranges of depression depending on the day - emotions, feelings, actions (some would call it “life”), and maybe that’s the point of this writing. With having no reservations regarding depression, the hope is to reclaim a bit of the reality of life along the journey.

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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

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Bridger Sperry
@bridgersperry
bridgersperry@gmail.com

Finding the Language for Mental Health Advocacy Through My Own Recovery

Hi! I’m Sam Slupski. When this post was written, it was Mental Health Awareness Month. When you’re reading this, it’ll be weeks after May has ended, but the topic is just as necessary. I am a writer, poet, and performance artist who explores how a body survives trauma and I aim to illuminate stories about mental health and recovery, but my work lately has been specifically centered around mental health advocacy. As the world has shifted, it’s become essential that we incorporate new ideas so we can begin to dismantle the oppressive systems that we participate in. The lane I feel most comfortable shining a light on is mental health. My advocacy is aimed towards creating an inclusive and equitable world that is safe and accessible for everyone. This is essentially a call for an interrogation of how we stigmatize mental health and how mental health intersects with white supremacy. It just starts with a conversation, a little bit of education, and someone to empower you to walk through that door. I hope you see this as an opening and that you continue to walk through.

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I often wonder how young people are when they form their first memory. As time goes on, I’m sure that answer changes, but for me, my first memory comes from when I was 4-years old. I was riding in a car with my grandmother, grandfather, mother, and father on our way to Osawatmaie, Kansas – effectively the middle of nowhere. We were taking my dad to the Kansas state mental hospital. 

When this is your first memory, conversations about mental health become ingrained in you, almost as if it’s a part of your DNA. My father is schizophrenic and my life has been greatly informed by the way my entire family has navigated his illness. 

My whole life, I have watched my family be terrified of my father because of his schizophrenia. We were ostracized away from our bloodline because of his illness. As I got older, I was diagnosed with bipolar, and then re-diagnosed with PTSD and a panic disorder, and I felt that same ostracization from my extended family. We were always the “odd ones out.” 

I was admitted into a psychiatric inpatient unit for the first time when I was 10-years old because I had tried to kill myself. I went to inpatient treatment every summer for self-harm related incidences for 6 years in a row. My first therapy appointment was when I was 11. My first psychiatrist was incredibly dismissive and was one of the most traumatic people I encountered in my adolescence. 

It wasn’t until I was 21 that I found a therapist that finally helped me find a path to recovery from self-harm, toxic relationship patterns, and helped me learn the vocabulary and tools to re-parent myself. Now, here I am today: 26 – in many healthy relationships, living a life I feel proud of, and self-harm free for almost 2 years.

While this is an extremely condensed and limited snapshot into my whole story, I tell you a little bit about it because I think it’s important that you know that from a deep, physiological level, mental illness has always been a part of my life and I have felt the detrimental effects of when people ignore it and stigmatize it. It’s important for me to share a bit about my story so that you see that there is an actual human life attached to advocacy.

It’s also important to talk about how my life has been informed by how my father was viewed because when I was going through treatment, I saw how people treated me. It wasn’t just my terrible psychiatrist, it was school nurses who dismissed my panic attacks, people who made fun of my self-harm scars, strangers on the internet who told me to go kill myself, and told me that medication was for the weak-minded.

The more people told me that my experience was invalid, the more I believed it myself. I internalized this stigmatization because it confirmed my insecurities. And that's what any kind of stigmatization, discrimination, or invalidation becomes: our insecurities; the things we are ashamed of; the things we hate most about ourselves.

Talking about mental health has become something immensely important to me because I believe it is part of my life’s purpose to make sure that the internalized hatred we have for our illnesses stops and I believe this starts with destigmatizing and normalizing the conversations around mental health.

Another reality of my advocacy is that I didn't just wake up knowing all of the things I know now and I am still learning new things every day. I was lucky enough to find myself in a community with incredible writers and thinkers who talked about mental health in a way that I had never heard before. I found myself in the spoken word poetry community where I also learned more about the way that racism, and specifically anti-blackness, are rampant in America. I learned about homophobia, transphobia, fatphobia, xenophobia, ableism, and how these, and so much more, are things that compound mental health issues.

I learned that poverty, unaffordable housing, food deserts, homelessness, debt, low-income, unaffordable healthcare, internalized oppression, and discrimination exacerbate mental health issues. I feel an immense responsibility to mention these things because to dismiss these topics is not mental health advocacy – it’s white supremacy.

But as I said, I did not wake up knowing these things. There was a time where I did not have the language for all of this. My advocacy looks like using the language I do have to educate or shine a light on things. It also looks like surrounding myself with people, accounts, books, and podcasts to continue the education to not only learn the language for it, but to do the work in my actual life – not just on the internet.

But because this is on the internet and you, dear reader, are likely reading this on a screen – I want to give a small list of lessons I’ve learned that I believe are good entry points into how we can begin to destigmatize mental health issues. 

I also want to empower you to speak up for people who may not be in a place to speak up for themselves. The reason I am able to do what I can today is because I had people to encourage me, educate me, and empower me. It feels necessary that I do the same.

My caveat is, of course, that I am not a professional. I do not have a license to treat mental health issues. I am not a counselor, therapist, or coach. I am simply just a human with a mental illness sharing what I have learned as I navigate my own recovery. These are lessons that I take with me daily, that I incorporate into my life and conversations with those I love because I know unlearning harmful mental health language is difficult. If I would have had this language – if I would have had partners, friends, therapists, and family members earlier on who taught me these things, it would have made such a difference in my recovery. 

The hardest thing about my father is that there is a certain kind of powerlessness in mental illness. He didn’t ask to have schizophrenia – in fact, he got beaten in an alley after work one day that triggered his first episode, and yet people treated him like it was his fault. People have treated me as if my trauma, anxiety, and depression are my fault. Mental illness is never anyone’s fault. Yes, we do have a certain responsibility to unlearn harmful behaviors, but I also know my father, and so many others, do not have these tools to do so. 

But I do.

I hope you can carry these into your relationships and conversations around mental health:

• Describing something as “bipolar,” “OCD,” or “psycho” is unacceptable. These are not words we should use to describe a thing or a person. There are so many other adjectives to use. Do not use these.

• You do not have to buy anything to practice self-care. Capitalism makes us believe that we need to, but we don’t. We CAN buy things, but we don’t HAVE to.

• In our conversations and advocacy about creating equitable, inclusive & accessible resources for mental health treatment, that also looks like having conversations about addiction recovery/treatment and eating disorder recovery/treatment.

• Posting mental health advice on Instagram is not a replacement for therapy and treatment services. They are good jumping-off points, but are not a stand-in for sustainable care.

• Taking medication is a valid way to treat mental illness. Pill stigma is still a very big problem and there is no universal treatment option for people with mental illness. 

• Again– poverty, unaffordable housing, food deserts, homelessness, debt, low-income, unaffordable healthcare, internalized oppression, racism & discrimination are all things that impact and exacerbate mental health.

• Telling someone to “breathe” or “just relax” can be very dismissive during times of crisis or distress. Try asking, instead, how that person would like to be supported at that moment.

• Boundaries are uncomfortable to set, but necessary to be in healthy relationships.

• Your mental illness is not your identity. You are a complex human being. You have a mental illness, you are not your mental illness.

• The trauma your family experienced does not excuse the harm they inflict onto you.

• Mental health awareness cannot be limited to one month. It requires ongoing advocacy.

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If you are interested in continuing your education about mental health and advocacy, I have included a small list of resources that have helped me gain a lot of the language I know now. I am always learning so know that this is not an exhaustive list, but it is my hope that it can be a jumping-off point for those interested in learning more.

• First, I believe that the best education we can receive regarding these topics comes from seeing a therapist ourselves. Open Path Psychotherapy Collective is an affordable counseling resource that matches you with a therapist in your area. They offer online therapy and do so at a lower cost. You have to pay an upfront fee of $59 to help keep their non-profit going, but after that fee you can find sessions for as low as $30. As someone who has paid upward of $150 a session, this is a very good and necessary service.

• IDHA’s online course on Trauma, Growth, & Resilience: This self-paced online course that provides a diverse overview of trauma alongside actual practices that survivors have found helpful in their own healing processes. The class also serves as an exploration into current research as it pertains to rates of adversity and trauma in people diagnosed with mental illnesses (especially those considered “serious mental illnesses”) and substance-use; findings within the neurological and psychological research on the cognitive and neurocognitive effects of trauma; and concrete guidance around how mental health professionals can practice better trauma-informed care. I love IDHA and the classes they offer, and highly recommend following then for more mental health education.

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk: One of my favorite books about how our bodies carry trauma and how it reshapes our physiologies. 10/10 a must-read, in my opinion.

• Rachel Cargle’s “How to Be an Ally,” Social Syllabus Resource: A much-needed conversation starter for anyone who may not have an understanding of how white-feminism is deeply dangerous. This document has links to other resources about the racist roots of our Founding Fathers, whitewashing history, definitions of white feminism, and resources about systemic racism. I believe this resource is really important because we have to talk about racism when we talk about mental health and I think this is a good jumping-off point for anyone who may not understand why these things intersect.

• Anne Carly’s Instagram: One of my favorite profiles to follow that talks about having inner-child wounds.

Again, this is just a small list and don’t want to overwhelm you to the point where you don’t know where to start. I think these are wonderful places that will hopefully empower you to take steps for yourself and the people in your life who undoubtedly struggle to navigate the world with a mental illness.

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Sending you love and light,

Sam Slupski
@samfromkc / atx_interfaces
www.samanthaslupskipoetry.com

5 Things You Can Do To Spread Kindness & Not Corona

1. Wash your hands — This is one of the best ways to protect yourself and your family from getting sick, and is the easiest thing to do! Buy yourself a big ol’ soap that smells good and wash those puppies for at LEAST 20 seconds. I’ve heard that singing Happy Birthday twice equates to 20 seconds, so have a little concert in your bathroom, make it fun and scrub those hands!

2. Use hand sanitizer — This is such an easy addition to your every day life, y’all. It is a great option for when you are somewhere that does not have soap and water for you to wash your hands. My faves at Muse Health are dedicated to helping people live healthier, happier lives, with their hand sanitizers! Their products contain 62% alcohol, backed by clinical research, made from only high quality ingredients, are FDA and CDC approved and never tested on animals. 🙌🏻 Their hand sanitizer contains glycerin and vitamins so it doesn’t dry out your skin, plus the packaging is adorable and it is the perfect size for me to carry in my purse to make sure I always have it on hand.

3. Be kind to everyone — Give an extra compliment a day. Say hi to a stranger. Wave when you walk past someone on a walk. Leave a treat/note outside for your mail delivery person. Pay for someone’s food in the drive-thru. Be patient at the grocery store and let someone older than you go before you. Tell someone you love something you adore about them. Call your grandparents. Check in on your pals. Spread joy on social media. Make a sign and put it in your window for people to see as they walk by.

4. Send a care package to an essential worker in your life — Whether it’s a letter, a thoughtful card, a gift card for them to order some food to their job or home, a fun little venmo, or a legitimate care package filled with some fun treats, try doing something extra kind for essential workers during this time. I receive love through words of affirmation and gifts, and while not everyone receives love this way, getting sent some treats is a guaranteed way to make someone smile. My friends at Muse Health are offering a discounted 4-pack of their hand sanitizer which is perfect for sharing and gifting, PLUS, don’t forget, you can use my code: MuseShelby for 20% off through July 31st!

5. Wear a mask + don’t touch your face — This one is self-explanatory, but hey, some people still are not wearing masks. Even if your city/state has not made it mandatory for you to wear a mask, just do it anyway. This is the simplest thing you can do right now to protect yourself and others. If you feel inconvenienced by the thought of having to wear a piece of cloth on your face, think about why that is, and get over it. 👍🏻 Also, keep your hands away from your face. As someone who used to chronically bite my nails (thanks, anxiety), I know that this can be hard, but this is KEY to preventing the spread of Coronavirus.

REMINDER: My friends at Muse Health are angels and gave me a discount code for y’all to purchase some hand sanitizers for yourselves or for an essential worker! The code MuseShelby will get ya 20% off through July 31st! 🧡 Go, go, go getcha some!

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This post is sponsored by Muse Health. All opinions expressed in this post are my own and not those of Muse Health.

Tiny Tacos, Tiny Hands, Big Mood

Over the last few months, my best friend Leeann and I have been trying to come up with various ways to still hang out and see each other while keeping ourselves and others protected and safe by remaining physically distant. We want fun activities, specifically outdoor activities, that we can do to be able to spend time laughing and eating together in the sunshine. ☀️ All of the endorphins, pls! As extroverts, it’s been tough for us to be cooped up and not be able to see people, let alone each other, as much as we typically would. Socially distant hangouts have been so crucial for us during these trying times.

That being said, y’all know I LOVE Jack in the Box. They have the best curly fries, and the BEST tacos. Seriously, if you haven’t tried their Tiny Tacos, what are you even doing? 😜 They originally launched these adorable Tiny Tacos as a limited time offer menu item, but because they were such a hit, they’re here to stay and I am pumped about it! Because we are trying to stick to hang outs that are mostly outdoors, I thought I’d surprise her with Jack’s Tiny Tacos for our most recent hang out so we could spend time together on her beautiful porch. I headed to the Jack in the Box closest to me and grabbed a few orders of their Tiny Tacos, and a big ol’ handful of their Creamy Avocado Lime sauce. 🚗 FYI: you can order through delivery if you’re not quite comfortable going out and about just yet, praise be! 🙌🏻

You get an order of 15 mini tacos for $3 — they have regular OR loaded Tiny Tacos that are loaded up with cheese, shredded lettuce, and their taco sauce! 🌮 If you order the regular tacos (which I did) you absolutely cannot forget to get some of their Creamy Avocado Lime sauce — it is the perfect sauce to compliment the other Jack in the Box Tiny Tacos ingredients. 🥑 Note: I would grab the sauce regardless if their loaded or not because it is SO GOOD and complements the tacos so well.

Not only are their bite sized tacos heavenly, but like, who doesn’t love baby tacos and delicious dipping sauces for a fun Taco Tuesday moment?! Leeann is one of the silliest humans I know, so of course we had to whip out the tiny hands for some giggles and photos -- if you know us, you’d expect nothing less. 😋 We laughed, ate, talked, ate some more, and used entirely too many packets of their delicious taco sauce.

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Check out which location is nearest to you to grab some of their tiny tacos (don’t forget the creamy avocado lime sauce, seriously) and subscribe to stay up to date on tons of fun offers! Visit their website at www.jackinthebox.com to see their newest menu items, gather more information about their special deals, and definitely don’t forget to download the mobile app. 🙌🏻 Always remember, tiny tacos, tiny hands, big mood.™ 

This post is sponsored by Jack in the Box. All opinions expressed in the post are my own and not those of Jack in the Box.

Magnitude of the Mountain

I didn’t always know, at least not in the way that people usually speak about it. It started small, by despising my name. I don’t remember a time that I liked it — I could recognize that it was a pretty name, and it suited everyone I met who shared that name. But it didn’t suit me, although I bet if you looked at me with my long hair, dresses, and long eyelashes that you wouldn’t understand why I was never a Nina.

But it started small, and it crept up on me. People always ask what signs there were when I was young, and I never know how to answer that question. Did I play with the boys? Yes. Did I do ballet? Yes. Did I join the all-boys sports team? Yes. Did I play with Barbies? Yes. Did I want to learn woodworking instead of homemaking? Yes. Did I enjoy learning to knit? Yes. The problem with these questions begins with the assumption that these likes/dislikes have anything to do with gender. Do girls enjoy playing ‘boy’ sports? Of course they do. Are there boys who like ballet? Without a doubt. So when I’m asked for the signs, I don’t know what else to do but shrug.

For the longest time I thought that I was adopted, because I felt ‘other’ and understood that to mean that I didn’t fit in with my family. (As a kid you tend to believe that your family is a reflection of the world, but it would take many years to understand that it was society as a whole that I didn’t feel I fit into.) Spoiler alert, I’m not adopted. I emailed the hospital where I was born to double-check in case everyone had been lying to me my whole life. (In case you’re wondering, yes, I’m a Virgo.) At first they couldn’t find my records, giving me a renewed sense of ‘AH-HAH!‘, but then they came back with the boring truth. So the answer to why I felt so ‘other’ didn’t lie in my birth story.

When I started exploring my sexuality at the age of 17, I finally found some of my ‘otherness’. “Ah, so this is why I’ve been feeling like a stranger all my life”, I thought. And for nearly 10 years I held onto this answer and didn’t think much of it again, that is, until I started abusing alcohol. At first it started because I was mourning the death of the most consistent father-figure I had in my life — my grandfather. I drank what I smelled so often on his damp breath: brandy and Coke. It made me feel close to him. Over time I found other drinks, and eventually I was drinking myself blind drunk every night off of gin & tonics, passing out nightly on the couch. I didn’t understand at the time that I’m a highly sensitive person, prone to feeling all the feelings. And feelings didn’t feel safe, so when I drank it was a way for me to process some feelings without actually having to be present for them. A fantastic loophole, I thought.

At some point during one of my binges I started to write down my drunken thoughts as journal entries on scrap pieces of paper. And I remember distinctly reading one of these brain-dumps the next morning — I was struggling to understand what I was feeling during intimate moments with my then wife. At the time I didn’t have the language around gender that I do now, so the thoughts basically went something like this: “Sex is feeling really weird lately. Actually, it’s never felt really good. I hate when I’m touched there. I don’t have the right body parts. Do other people imagine they’re someone else during sex? I’m not a MAN, so I can’t be transgender. But I’m also not a woman. So what the hell am I??”

Then I promptly shelved those thoughts and didn’t revisit them for another 5-6 years.

Much has changed since those thoughts first emerged in my mid-twenties, and these days I comfortably exist as someone who identifies as non-binary (I finally found the word!) transmasculine, meaning that I really don’t identify as any gender, but if I have to put a label on it, I walk through the world as a guy. A trans guy. And the idea of a ‘non-binary trans guy’ makes many people really uncomfortable because how can you be a guy with no gender?

I was about two months into hormone replacement therapy (HRT) when I had my first real moment of doubt since beginning my medical transition. I watched a video of a prominent (and controversial) transsexual in which he asserted that true transsexuals — those who choose to medically transition to the ‘opposite sex’ — don’t call themselves  transgender, and that the transgender identity was for others, meaning people who weren’t truly born in the ‘wrong body’. People who were essentially faking it. I can now speak endlessly about how problematic his ideas are, but at the time all I felt was ’other’... again. As someone who didn’t have the experience of being born ‘in the wrong body’, who experienced a comfortable childhood, who generally felt okay, and who didn’t assert at the age of 4 that he was a boy, I once again felt like I just didn’t belong, even in my own community.

I wasn’t trans enough.

I wish I could say that this was an isolated feeling, that as the months went by I consistently stayed confident in my identity and my decision to begin HRT, but that would be a lie. I’m just not built that way. I remember a conversation with my mom shortly after I started HRT, where she asked me for the millionth time, “Are you sure?”, and for the millionth-and-one time I said, “Yes”, and lied to her.

I imagine that if you’re someone who exists within the binary, for whom the world is frequently black or white, deciding to transition might be an easy one. But I have questioned this every step of the way. And frankly, people just don’t like that uncertainty, especially around a decision like this. For most, the idea of ‘switching genders’ is an extreme, radical act. And while it isn’t a decision without risks, whether social or medical, it never felt radical. My fears were never about my own reaction to HRT — it was always about how others would react. And then one day (after a bunch of therapy) I realized that I didn’t care.

When I was six years old, growing up in South Africa, there was a day when I realized that something wasn’t quite right. I was riding in the car with my family and they were speaking about the mountain range in the distance. I always thought it was a beautiful blob of grey and blue, but suddenly I understood that they could see lines and cracks and magnitude in the mountain that I had never seen. And when I got glasses, I could suddenly appreciate it for how impressive it really was. Transitioning for me was never about being in the wrong body. It was always about appreciating what I already had while knowing that an adjustment like HRT would open me up to experience something even more profound. And that’s perfectly valid, too.

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Noah Hendricks
@mxnoahjay
www.queerified.com